Why live? What's it for?
It's an emotional decision, to be completely honest. Most of you who are reading this likely have some aversion to death. You may create an overly rational explanation of this aversion to allow yourself to feel grounded, to feel less "insane."
You probably turn away from the inkling of an idea in the back of your head that you may be totally insignificant, even if you were to suffer at maximum potential for an infinite amount of time. The truth is, suffering or happiness may not matter at all. Why allow the dynamic to persist?
The Internal Experience of Life
It is completely possible that you not only die alone, but exist, and have always existed, alone. Have you ever experienced being someone else in an objective way? Obviously not, and if so I doubt you are sane. Why socialize? Why eat? For the pleasure? Does that really make sense? Living for pleasure seems incredibly futile.
The practice of hedonism makes you no different from a trapped farm animal. You indulge yourself wherever you can, turning away from discomfort as much as possible so you can avoid the anxious thoughts that await you once you reach the inevitable slaughterhouse.
Hedonism is living to die.
It is living to avoid what may be true. It relinquishes the hope for something more, in pursuit of that which is already known. This is the epitome of stagnation in an ever-changing world, and stagnation is the epitome of death. That which does not change in any way will die. Adaptation is what separates lizards from rocks.
Your thoughts are the only thing you can know to be truly objective. There is a barrier between you and the external, and you can only partially mend that barrier with perception. You can know the exact state of your perceptions, but not the exact state of what you are perceiving, unless the perceptions are what is being perceived.
The Solipsism of Reality
What these ideas consequently lead to is the conclusion that external facts cannot be known to objectively exist. At least, not yet. If the world could somehow be incorporated into the mind, without the barrier of perception, your mind would essentially be the world. Since you can't know external facts, anything could be possible in the external world.
This essentially makes the sensor the stimulus, which may not be achievable in a homogeneous way throughout an entire closed system. This thought boils down to this question: Can all of the things that can be measured in an entire system be measured by the entire system itself? I honestly don't know. However, this question will tie into the overall sentiment of this article later on.
The problem is humans need objectivity to feel secure. Why do anything if every action you take technically has a totally unpredictable outcome? Even if you perceive the eventual results as being in line with the what you expected, if what I said before is true, it doesn't matter. Everything external is completely unstable in relation to your internal world. So why not kill the internal world? Why not die? Why live?
What is the ultimate goal of self-awareness? I'd say the answer to this question is very ironic. Before I state it, let's list what I have stated earlier:
Nothing outside of your conscious thoughts can be known to be objective.
Anything is possible in the external world, since nothing in it can be known to be objective.
The only objective form of awareness is self-awareness. Sensors can only objectively measure the stimulus that they create for themselves.
In case you haven't noticed, the motivating force that has propelled this entire thought process has been that conscious beings, or humans at least, need objectivity. It's what allows them to feel secure.
On the other hand, objectivity can only be achieved within your own internal world. You can only know what you have created or concluded in your own mind.
So, there is a goal which resolves all of these conflicts while still allowing you to maintain a purpose in continual existence. The goal of the self-aware is to expand self-awareness. You can only be objective by incorporating the external into the internal. The goal of self-awareness is to become more self-aware.